[This is more than she's admitted in her out loud voice to almost anyone: sometimes it's just easier to talk to a stranger. When he sounds like he knows exactly what she means, Vanya finally chances a glance up at him, monumentally unsure - of herself, and him. She wants, badly and often, for the kind of real connection that people who grew up with close family or best friends have. Never having experienced that, though, she doesn't even know how to go about explaining how her hopes elevate whenever someone shows any interest in what she says or thinks or does.

That was part of why she let Leonard in. She thought he saw her, and now she wonders if Derek sees her. It puts her on edge even while she hopes he does.]

I don't think so. [She has no idea that she did anything beyond normal at her audition for first chair: it isn't always destructive, but that's the only aspect she knows.]

But it's only been - I don't know, I guess a couple months now. Before that, I couldn't use it at all.