[ There's so much else Luther could say but can't, won't. That he had seen that moment again when the Chalice had rewound the film of his life and paused over his greatest regrets. That he still thought some kind of mitigation was the right idea, but where he had gone wrong was the abject betrayal. Not tackling it together. Not talking to her about it first. That she had come to him looking for solace, for help, had collapsed into his arms with sobbing relief, thinking that her big brother was finally listening—
And he had betrayed her.
It's a line he can't uncross, a bridge he can't walk back over, but. He's trying, in some way. And it's almost a surprise when Vanya actually answers. He'd almost been expecting her to just read it and delete it. Skitter away. ]
[Running is what she wants to do, always. It's what she's good at, might be her real talent. The therapist she saw years ago told her she did it a lot, to get out of frightening situations, to avoid dealing with things. Vanya cancelled her sessions not long after that and convinced herself it was because she didn't need it anymore. Real good job she did, huh.
She wants to try talking to him. She writes you scare me, and deletes it. She writes is that really all, and deletes it. Why didn't you talk to me and what was I supposed to do and some leader and you asshole. All of it gets deleted, silenced, erased completely. She can't think her way through this, except that it's not enough and that she doesn't trust herself to have any other kind of conversation with him.
This time, she doesn't answer. It makes her think too much of the conversations she's had with Diego, of talks of trying that just mean she will eventually fold in on herself to try and take up less space around them. If he doesn't know, why should she be trying so desperately to find an answer?]
[ The minutes wear on and on, with that typing indicator appearing then disappearing then appearing then disappearing. And then, in the end, it's just gone entirely.
The minutes wear on. When Luther finally decides that this time there really isn't anything else coming, he lets out a breath that he hadn't known he was holding. Tosses his communicator aside and collapses back on his bed, exhales. Forces his entire body to relax, loosen those muscles that had wound tighter and tighter like a spring. He tells himself that at least Maurtia Falls is (hopefully) still standing.
As first tries go, it could have gotten a lot worse.
Could've gone a lot better, too, but. It's a start. ]
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no subject
And he had betrayed her.
It's a line he can't uncross, a bridge he can't walk back over, but. He's trying, in some way. And it's almost a surprise when Vanya actually answers. He'd almost been expecting her to just read it and delete it. Skitter away. ]
I honestly don't know.
no subject
She wants to try talking to him. She writes you scare me, and deletes it. She writes is that really all, and deletes it. Why didn't you talk to me and what was I supposed to do and some leader and you asshole. All of it gets deleted, silenced, erased completely. She can't think her way through this, except that it's not enough and that she doesn't trust herself to have any other kind of conversation with him.
This time, she doesn't answer. It makes her think too much of the conversations she's had with Diego, of talks of trying that just mean she will eventually fold in on herself to try and take up less space around them. If he doesn't know, why should she be trying so desperately to find an answer?]
no subject
The minutes wear on. When Luther finally decides that this time there really isn't anything else coming, he lets out a breath that he hadn't known he was holding. Tosses his communicator aside and collapses back on his bed, exhales. Forces his entire body to relax, loosen those muscles that had wound tighter and tighter like a spring. He tells himself that at least Maurtia Falls is (hopefully) still standing.
As first tries go, it could have gotten a lot worse.
Could've gone a lot better, too, but. It's a start. ]