[Her throat closes on the thought, and she takes a long drink. The burn forces her throat to focus on the immediate threat of choking over the subconscious, emotional pull behind her eyes. Vanya coughs as she shakes her head, wiping her mouth on the inside of her forearm. She goes back to shredding the bag almost immediately.]
I played just - a little bit, at the party. That was the first time.
[She sounds small, and she feels small, and it's a defensive, fearful move that she absolutely loathes on recognition. How could she not see it in herself? It would be like not noticing she's turning into a fucking mouse.]
And it was so - I missed it. I missed it a lot.
[But. But. Everything else started going wrong after that. V forces herself up off the couch, pacing in slow, uncertain lines around the living room.]
It's just - I don't know, I think I made a couple people I liked mad, or I hurt them, or - and then Klaus told me he just threw out Dad's journal, and I just, I lost it, he was the reason that Leonard even--
[She hasn't fully forgiven Klaus, but can't still be angry at him after the things she said to him.]
[ Five files all of the information away as she gives it, organizing it silently in his mind as he listens. Vanya has a friend. That friend gave her a violin for her birthday. Vanya missed playing it. That longing for her instrument of choice coupled with an emotionally stressful situation probably made her play and not in a musician sort of way.
He's watching her face, taking in everything. Part of the reason she's so fucking neurotic is that nobody ever had her back and he's just as much to blame as the rest of them, if not maybe more so. He owes her this much. So even though he begs to differ with her assertion that it was Klaus's fault that Harold Jenkins kick-started the apocalypse, he doesn't say so. Not yet. He will, but not yet. Number Five has the unique position of having missed out on a lot of their lives and, with that, the unique knowledge of what it feels like to be without them completely. Vanya knows how it feels emotionally, but Five knows how it feels completely. Needless to say, that loneliness afforded him the opportunity to see the bigger picture. It isn't Klaus's fault that Harold Jenkins came into their lives to ruin them. It's Reginald's fault for treating his children like science experiments and keeping that goddamned journal in the first fucking place.
But this is about Vanya and she's not in a place right now where she'll probably be terribly open to Five's counter on her upset with Klaus. That's hardly the important part right now, anyway. ]
So what happened?
[ He still sounds interested and gentle, like she's a child he's trying to coax the truth out of. To him, she is a child. To him, they all are. ]
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no subject
[Her throat closes on the thought, and she takes a long drink. The burn forces her throat to focus on the immediate threat of choking over the subconscious, emotional pull behind her eyes. Vanya coughs as she shakes her head, wiping her mouth on the inside of her forearm. She goes back to shredding the bag almost immediately.]
I played just - a little bit, at the party. That was the first time.
[She sounds small, and she feels small, and it's a defensive, fearful move that she absolutely loathes on recognition. How could she not see it in herself? It would be like not noticing she's turning into a fucking mouse.]
And it was so - I missed it. I missed it a lot.
[But. But. Everything else started going wrong after that. V forces herself up off the couch, pacing in slow, uncertain lines around the living room.]
It's just - I don't know, I think I made a couple people I liked mad, or I hurt them, or - and then Klaus told me he just threw out Dad's journal, and I just, I lost it, he was the reason that Leonard even--
[She hasn't fully forgiven Klaus, but can't still be angry at him after the things she said to him.]
no subject
He's watching her face, taking in everything. Part of the reason she's so fucking neurotic is that nobody ever had her back and he's just as much to blame as the rest of them, if not maybe more so. He owes her this much. So even though he begs to differ with her assertion that it was Klaus's fault that Harold Jenkins kick-started the apocalypse, he doesn't say so. Not yet. He will, but not yet. Number Five has the unique position of having missed out on a lot of their lives and, with that, the unique knowledge of what it feels like to be without them completely. Vanya knows how it feels emotionally, but Five knows how it feels completely. Needless to say, that loneliness afforded him the opportunity to see the bigger picture. It isn't Klaus's fault that Harold Jenkins came into their lives to ruin them. It's Reginald's fault for treating his children like science experiments and keeping that goddamned journal in the first fucking place.
But this is about Vanya and she's not in a place right now where she'll probably be terribly open to Five's counter on her upset with Klaus. That's hardly the important part right now, anyway. ]
So what happened?
[ He still sounds interested and gentle, like she's a child he's trying to coax the truth out of. To him, she is a child. To him, they all are. ]