gigue | (no subject)

whats that saying
stuck in the same boat?

yeah first city that ive lived in
its the worst
you get floated for anything.

What's that mean? Floated?

its when
u get ejected out into space

What the fuck execution is just the go to??

yep
less ppl less oxygen used up
its fucked up

is oxygen a problem?

pretty sure
im not a genius
but they did send 100
of us down here

[She doesn't respond for a moment, trying to just picture what that must be like. She doesn't like thinking about it.]

Fuck them.

[ And for that moment he thinks she's lost interest. ]

yeah
fuck all of them
and i hope i dont go back

[Now that is a level of anxiety she can identify with.]

I hope you don't too there's no one else from there here?

thnx
nope
its just me
i was hoping for this one person
but i dont think thats going to happen

Family? or a friend? or a "friend"

[If he wants revenge, she gets it.]

my familys dead
yeah a friend
he was going to get me down
from choking to death

everyne else can dye
for all i care

[There is a moment where she thinks lucky, thumbs hovering over the text pad. She doesn't type it, and swallows the guilt down.]

Maybe he'll still show My family was here a while before me

mebe
i dont need him
or anythn
im fine
on my own

yeah me too

[Which is to say she is so very not fine on her own, especially when she's not medicated out of her mind. It's so much harder without it.]

but uh you don't have to be? if you dont' want Imean

most of the time
i dont gotta choice
ppl push me out

yeah i get that

[Her grammar is deteriorating the more she identifies with what he says. Does she notice it? Not even a little.]

I'm bad about pushing people away. well more like i just don't reach out so I guess I'm glad you texted?

gotta keep urself safe
pushin ppl away first is better
it hurts less

but it kinda suks
not havin friends

dont no if ur lookin for 1

[No. And yes. That kind of question feels like the sort of traps she walked face first into back in high school. The girls in her dormitory were not kind, and the utter exclusion from home only stretched to the outside world when she was sent away to boarding school.

So she doesn't answer for a minute, catastrophizing both possible answers in her head.]

I could use a friend and I could try to be a decent one?

[She definitely wouldn't hang him, for starters. She might accidentally destroy him in an apocalyptic event, but she wouldn't hang him.]

[ Murphy doesn't really know what he's doing and why he's been bothering Vanya for as long as he has, but she hasn't told him to fuck off just yet. So: ]

just dont try
and kill me

I wouldn't really call that being a friend I think so sure no problem?

im settin the bar
reel low

Makes it easy to excel, I guess

p much yea